Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
