sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
