Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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