I swear she didn't look like that last week.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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