I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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