Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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