When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
