i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
