Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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