Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
