ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
