loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
