I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
