yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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