Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
