Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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