His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
