Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
