she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
