Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
