elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
