i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
