There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
