That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
