I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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