took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
