im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
