If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
