Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
