There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
