Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
