Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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