dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was confusing and full of hummus
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
