Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize