You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
