I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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