dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
