On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
