You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
