the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Come on in and take your pants off
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