Soap is not a condiment
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
