So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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