I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize