listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
