We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
