You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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