walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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