A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
A bitchslap is in order.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
