Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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