so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
