i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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