So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
