theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
