Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
