Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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