yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
