its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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