the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
