can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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