You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
