But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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