I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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