Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
