the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
