Don't make out with my wife yet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
