Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
