Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
