When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
