i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
