I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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