I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Drake has all the answers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
