He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Please don't give away my fajitas
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
