i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
